can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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