hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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