i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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