I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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