So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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