too bad you live with your parents still
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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