Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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