When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
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I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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