my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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