You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize