This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize