I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize