I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize