I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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