what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize