I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize