we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize