shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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