Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize