even my farts smell like vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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