He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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