I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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