dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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