i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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