Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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