She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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