He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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