Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize