If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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