I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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