I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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