ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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