the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at about main and main street
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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