If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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