paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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