I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize