atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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