dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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