i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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