I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize