I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize