Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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