you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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