my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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