you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The power of my boobs compel you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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