I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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