went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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