They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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