theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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