i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize